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What to do with a man who has commitment phobia

There are some men who make women feel very lovable and desirable. They lavish love and gifts on them, and make them feel very special. But when it comes to marriage, they back out. They have a great fear of getting tied to a single woman for life. They run away from the very idea of marriage. Their relationships never have fairytale endings; instead they are littered with heartbreaks.

These men suffer from commitment phobia, a fear of committing themselves to one single woman. However, they don't hesitate to play the loving game. They go out of their way to make their women feel special. They woo them with all the passion that they can command. But they cool off once the woman talks of marriage.

How to spot a commitment phobe

For any woman it is important to spot commitment phobes - that is men who suffer from commitment phobia -- early in the relationship. This is the only way they can keep their feet firmly on the ground, and not get swept away by the charm offensive launched by such men.

Fortunately, the commitment phobes are very predictable and display several common traits. These are:

1. They have been involved in several relationships in the past, but all of them have been brief. The reason, they will charmingly tell you, is that they are yet to come across a woman of their dreams, someone with whom they can have a lifelong relationship. You are that woman, they will tell you. It is for you to spot the lie or swallow it hook, line and sinker.

2. They would show much more interest in you that you do in them They will follow you, beseech you, please you, woo you - try every trick in the trade to win you over.
They will even drop hints of long and stable relationships; they will talk of "we" and "us" not "I" and "me".

3. They will make you feel very special. They will shower you with love and affection. They will make you feel their world will come to an end if you spurn them or misunderstand them. You will find it impossible to resist them, unless you realize what is happening.

However, this ardent wooing will be limited to the first phase of the relationship. The relationship will take a different turn the moment you surrender It is not that such men treat women as trophies to be won, and then displayed in their personal museums; but they are driven by contradictory feelings. They neither want to give up a woman nor want to commit themselves to her. It is a psychological disorder. But it can have serious effects both on the relationship, and on you.

You will not realize what has happened to your relationship. The same man, who could not live without you for a moment, will start looking for excuses to stay away from you. You will no longer be the shining light of their lives. The talk of matrimony will freeze them. Your tears may make them unhappy but it will not move them. It wouldn't be long before you are left only with memories and tears; the commitment phobe would have moved forward to another woman.

Why do they behave like this

You need not search for reasons for the souring of the relationship. You should also not blame yourself for what has happened. You must realize that commitment phobia is an emotional disorder, and you have become a victim of a person suffering from such a disorder.

According to psychologists, the commitment phobes behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. This may happen because:

1. As a sensitive child, a commitment phobe's world was torn by a bitter divorce between his parents. He grew up with a feeling that there can be no permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Such a relationship can only bring pain in the long run.

2. Some commitment phobes cannot reconcile to the death of their father or mother or forget the sadness and grief that overcame their parents when one of them died. They therefore grow up with the feeling of not to enter into permanent relationships - relationships that can bring pain on account of the death of a loved one.

3. Some commitment phobes may have been betrayed by those whom they loved. This would have created a mindset of never to give in to a woman again.

How to deal with a commitment phobe

You must realize that you have very few chances of winning a commitment phobe. You must therefore play hard to get. You must refuse to get into bed with him for very often this signals the end of a relationship. Let him feel desperate; let him step up his wooing. But don't give in.

It is important that you continue to live your own life. You should not allow a commitment phobe to set the pace of your life. You should continue dating other men and act as an independent woman who can live her life on her own. Never make the mistake of playing second fiddle to such men or switching to what-a-wife-would-do mode.

You should not drum excuses for his behavior, or try to convince yourself that he is right and you are wrong. In your mind, you should not become his advocate. You must look at his actions, not his words. Words are easy; they can be lavished with freedom. But it is hard to match them with action.

If possible, you should convince him to see a psychologist. There is always a chance that a psychologist may be able to remove the fears that a commitment phobe has about marital relationships. But this cannot happen in an instant. You have to be patient, aand you have to see how the commitment phobe takes your suggestion or the counseling.

Finally, don't grieve if your relationship breaks down. Take it in your stride. Treat it as a fun fling that was bound to end this way.

(To know more about commitment phobes read "How to spot a commitment phobic before he breaks your heart! at www.relationship-remedies.com.)

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How can women break the insidious cycle of relationship failure

By: Cucan Pemo

Nothing is more traumatic than seeing a relationship falling apart. It breeds suspicion, distrust and distance. A couple who could not live without each other at one point of time start finding reasons to stay away. The relationship failure is painful for both the partners. Both try to hurt each other; and the more they hurt each other the more they destroy what was once a very loving relationship.

Signs of relationship failure

It needs no special skills to understand when a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:

1. The partners start finding fault with each other.
2. They stop listening to each other
3. They start spending more time outside the house
4. They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
5. The trust breaks down.
6. No satisfactory explanations are offered for coming late.
7. Phone calls are not returned
8. There is an attempt to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
9. The mutual respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
10. There are high expectations but no give and take.

How can women save the relationship
The onus to save a relationship rests on both the partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on account of misunderstandings then surely the woman in the house can save it.

The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an easy task but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually start getting longer.

The next step is to show that you want your man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he returns. He may surely be surprised, and even a little restrained to return you new found love, but there is no better way to close the gap than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide a relationship.

You should simultaneously start finding fault with him. Don't ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.

Give the man some space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from work. You don't have to rush to him, and start a conversation. Every man likes some private time and space to himself. Let him avail it; let him cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that may interest him. Of course, don't try to fool him by trying to over reach yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hover close around him to make him feel wanted.

Soft music and good food can make him more relaxed. Try to play music that he likes, and cook food that he loves. You should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don't push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him because you wanted it. This anyway is true.

Don't try to change your man
It is important that you stop trying to change your mate. This is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive. Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. It will only make him fight back.

You must not sound or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. It is essential that you have full belief in what you are doing. You should gradually make him talk of why he had starting moving away from you. Once again, you don't have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he wants to release the pent up feelings. This can have magical affect on your relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship will be exorcised.

There will be trust again, and mutual faith. Try not to loose it again.

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What Does Your Man REALLY Want?

By: Cucan Pemo

If there is one question for which every woman wants an answer is what men want. This question crops up in the mind of every woman be it be a teenager going on her first date; a newly wedded wife getting ready for her husband to return from work; a single woman waiting to find the right man; a divorcee trying to rebuild her life.

This question has been asked by women in the past, and will be asked by women in the future too. It is a question that has no easy answers; with each relationship being completely different from another. The best one can do is to explore seven subjects that form the cornerstone of any relationship between men and women. These subjects hold the key for any woman to understand what men want.

1. Sex
What do men want in sex?
How frequent should be lovemaking?
Should it be passionate?
Should women have sex before marriage?

There is little doubt that most men are obsessed with sex. It is a biological need, and men should not be blamed for wanting sex. However, sex alone cannot build a long lasting relationship. It can bring a couple together but it cannot hold them together beyond a certain point.

What a woman must understand is that a man finds happiness and fulfillment in sex. A woman who is willing to reach out and unite in the act of lovemaking is most likely to win a man than a woman who uses sex as a manipulative tool.

Also, men are not ogres. They don't go to women looking for sex alone. Most of them don't want their partners to degrade themselves when making love to them. They would rather like all acts of lovemaking to be complete and fulfilling to both.

Men, in fact, agonize more than women if they are unable to excite their partners. This is because men can be easily aroused whereas it takes longer, and more foreplay in the case of women to get aroused.

There is little doubt that a man would like to take a woman to bed as quickly as possible. But few men want to make love if they find their partners are unwilling. Most of them don't want to hurt or injure the feelings of a woman with whom they have developed a bonding or are in the process of doing so. Also, no man would insist on sex as a prerequisite to marriage.

Yes, every man has his fantasies about sex, and would like frequent and passionate sex with the woman he loves. One-night stands, as the name suggests, are only flings, not relationships.

2. Companionship
What kind of a companion does a man want?
How should women meet those needs?

Men want women with whom they can share their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs, their weaknesses and strengths... They want women who can empathize with their failures and revel in their triumphs.

Women who constantly find faults with their men are unlikely to win their love and respect. Every woman must remember that men are vain by nature. They need pampering, and even mothering. At the same time they need emotional fulfillment.

This does not mean that women have to become sports enthusiasts or political analysts to please their men. They only need to provide space to their men to follow their passions.

3. Homemakers
Should women be great cooks to win acceptance?
Should women alone be expected to keep house?
Is it a woman's job to rear kids?

Today's men respect the ambitions of women. They don't want to relegate their wives to the role of a domestic help. They would like their women to do well in life. However, they would not like this to happen at the cost of their own careers.

Most women must realize that every man wants to be the main breadwinner. His male ego gets hurt if he has to depend on his wife to run the home. He would certainly expect his wife to cook for him on at least three to four days a week. He would also expect women to keep the home clean and well kept. The best that a man is willing to do is to extend a helping hand. But the woman has to be the main homemaker.

4. Emotional support
Should women give advice?
Are men open to points of view given by women?

Once again the male ego is too vain. It is not willing to listen easily to the advice given by better halves. Almost every man goes on the defensive when the woman he loves wants to correct him. He may accept the same advice from another male; but would be very reluctant to do so from a woman.

Women should therefore be careful. They should make men feel they can climb Mount Everest, if need be. They must encourage them by constantly telling them how much confidence they have in them. This will bring the best out of every man.

5. Looks matter
Should women doll up for men?
Is a woman's figure important?
How important is it to dress up especially for men?

Men love beautiful women. They don't want their woman to look dowdy. This is not only true at the time of dating but even after marriage. Women who allow their figures to slip are likely to loose the interest of their men. This may sound sexist but this is how life is. An attractive woman, who knows how to carry herself, will always turn male heads.

6. Private space
Why do men need time for themselves?
Are they hiding something?
Shouldn't they share all their thoughts with me?

The best relationships are those where women are willing to wait; where they give time to their men to unwind themselves. They should not rush into their arms the moment they come home, and expect them to unburden themselves. Instead, they should wait for the right time when the man is more ready to share his inner thoughts. Even here, it is important to be patient, and encouraging. Don't find faults with your man's thinking; the chances are that he may shut himself off. Each man needs space to sort his thoughts. A woman can help him by being encouraging and understanding.

7. Respect
Do men need more respect than women?
How should a woman behave?

Finally, both men and women need respect if the relationship is to survive. This can only happen if a woman is willing to listen to her man. Also, a woman should respect a man's interests even though they may be widely different from her. She should allow him necessary space to follow his interests which may be sports, politics or cards.

Women should learn to read between the lines if they want to earn the respect of their men.

Author Bio
Discover how you can easily bring back the Love of Your Life!
http://www.retrievealover.com

The Good News Is It Works For Both Men & Women!
More underground relationship and love tips, FREE special reports available Here.

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How to draw genuine love to you using the Law of Attraction

By: Cucan Pemo

The Law of Attraction is one of the most powerful laws in the universe. According to it like attracts like. That is why creatures of the same kind attract each other. Wherever there is one ant, you will find many more; wherever there is one farmer you will find several farmers; wherever there is a lone sheep or cow you will find a herd. We all know that wolves hunt in groups; and fish swim in packs. But have we tried to find out why?

We never analyze how we make friends or companions. But if we do we will find that our friends are like us in most ways. They share the same values, the same lifestyles, the same ideas, and the same goals. This is what the Law of Attraction does; it brings all those things together that are alike.

True love

Most successful marriages are those where the man and woman are alike. The marriages where men and women have different tastes, different likes and different interests don't last long. They fall apart. The apparent reasons for these marriages falling apart may be stress, workplace pressure or extra-marital affairs, but the base reason is always the same. The union in the first place was of two people who were not alike. They came together against the Law of Attraction. That is why they could not stay together even though they were bound by vows of holy matrimony.

In contrast, two individuals who are alike continue to live together as man and woman under the same roof even if they are not married. The society may frown on such relationships but it cannot force such couples to part ways. They have been brought together by the Law of Attraction. Theirs is not a relationship of convenience; theirs is a relationship based on shared values, shared likes and shared goals. This is what true love is. It is the joining of two hearts, two minds and two bodies that are alike.

How to draw true love

True love takes shape without our knowledge. In fact, have we ever stopped and wondered why we are attracted to a particular girl or a particular boy? There may be ten girls in a class of 25. How is it that we are attracted to one girl alone? How is it that we continue to come closer to that girl only, and not to other girls who may be equally pretty?

The first reaction of any such couple is that they are alike. Great. But how did they find each other? They were lucky; of course. They happened to be in the same class, is what they will tell you. But what about millions of other couples? Some met on a road, some in a train, some at a local dance, some in the church. But all bonded together. How?

This is where true love comes in. You don't have to find true love; it finds you. You only have to recognize it. On first reading, it may sound bizarre. But the reality is that our thoughts are not limited to our mind. They are like waves of energy that keep radiating from our minds. When this energy collides with similar energy radiating from another mind, true love springs up. This is what we call a meeting of minds.

Love and lust

It is also love at first sight. However, for this love to blossom and bloom it has to go past physical lust. Often, the physical desire blocks the thoughts that our minds are radiating. We are so obsessed with each other that our minds refuse to tune in to each other's thoughts. Such relationships, even when they get converted into marriage, are unlikely to last long.

That is why dating is so useful. It gives couples sufficient time to listen to each other's unspoken thoughts. Their minds either continue to come closer or move apart. That is why we say that at times young couples have a mind of their own. They may be heartbroken if such relationships break. But their grief would only be temporary. The heartbreak would be much worse if the couples don't listen to their inner mind, and hope that they can change their partners once they get married. It will never happen..

Healthy relationships

The Law of Attraction is not limited to the world of love alone. It operates in the professional and the social world too. It is this law that brings two individuals together to forge a successful business partnership. It is also this law that brings two thieves or two crooks together - because their minds radiate the same thoughts.

Everything would be so simple if this law worked properly. Individuals who shared the same likes would live together; individuals who shared different viewpoints would live in their own world. But this does not happen. How often do we read in newspapers of a good man destroyed by a trusted colleague? How often we share tales of a rich man lured by a shark?

This happens when we switch off our mental antennas or when we close our minds to negative thoughts. We get blinded by our desires. There is no meeting of minds but a meeting of interests. When this happens we are bound to lose. This is where good men go astray.

That is why it is important to build social or professional relationships with an open mind. If you get a feeling that everything is not right about a person you have met, you must respect that feeling. Don't allow monetary interests to overpower your feelings. Avoid that individual before it is too late.

This will allow you to build relationships that are in your interest, relationships that you will cherish - not regret.

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